Honestly, I’d Rather Starve Than Cook

Phoenix & Damany Cooking | babydroppings

Anyone who knows me knows that I do not cook. I just don’t. It’s ironic, really, because for a really really really long time I wanted to open a restaurant. I love and appreciate food, I really do. I’m just…lazy. Plus, I married someone who cooks really well, and if I look pathetic enough, he’ll mostly give in and feed me.

On top of that, there’s all the ungodly before-and-after stuff that comes with cooking. Like, the dishes (the before-dishes and the after-dishes, because there are always before-dishes in my house). And the grocery shopping. And the meal planning. And groceries are hella expensive. And the fact that three-year-olds are harder to please than that asshole food critic in Ratatouille, and if I can’t be bothered to feed myself what the hell makes you think I’m going to make something that I actually want and then cook a whole separate meal for you?

So…I’d love to say that this is a post about how Instacart saved my family from starvation, or how HelloFresh* has ensured that we at least have something in the fridge to cook, or how meal planning is the key to healthy, delicious food in under ten minutes every day of the week. Fact is, UberEats is still one of my most frequently used apps, and the people in the McDonald’s drive-thru recognize me by my face and my order. There’s no redeeming this mama in this post. I just wanted to let whoever is out there, feeling guilty that their kids live off tater tots, know that you’re not alone and I believe you still love your kids. Even if you don’t feel like feeding them sometimes. Because honestly, getting dinner on the table on a regular basis is a frickin’ full-time job, and I feel like I got caught lying on my resume most days. So if they’re getting fed any of the food groups on a semi-predictable basis, then chances are you’re doing just fine

* See what I did there? If you click on either of those links, you’ll get $10 off Instacart or $40 off HelloFresh. You can use eats-uberallaya for $5 off your UberEats order. It’s not sponsored, I really do pay for (and use) those services. And they are awesome. I’m still an asshole who doesn’t cook though. But now, I don’t even go to the grocery store. #levelup

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