Musings on Motherhood

Preparing for Leave as a Freelancer

~ Allaya P. Cooks-Campbell ~ Leave a comment

Preparing For Leave as a Freelancer | babydroppingsIronically enough, when my husband and I first knew that we wanted to have a baby, being a freelancer seemed like the worst idea ever. After all, grown-ups had grown-up jobs, right? They had benefits and salaries and paid leave. I spent much of my adult life chasing down that perfect “big girl job,” the one that would offer enough stability for me to be able to take care of my family.

Like many people my age, however, I was surprised and dismayed to learn that, well, there wasn’t a whole hell of a lot out there for me or for anyone else. Continue reading →

Ways to Relax When You’re Ridiculously Pregnant

~ Allaya P. Cooks-Campbell ~ 1 Comment
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Photo courtesy of FreePik.com.

I feel like in the last couple of weeks, I have been subject to a near-perfect storm of fuckery that has conspired to make me as hot and miserable (in all senses of the word) as possible. When you’re this frigging pregnant (and in the middle of a summer heat wave), even the most saintly among us will have a hard time keeping their cool. To complicate matters, it’s not as if you can go out for a drink with friends to take the edge off or indulge in whatever your substance of choice might be. And if one more person tells you that “stress is bad for the baby,” you’ll have to add hiding the body to your third trimester to-do list. I wanted to share a quick list of my favorite, non-controlled-substance, mostly summer-friendly ways to relax when you’re very, very pregnant and maybe very, very mad.

  1. Prenatal yoga
  2. Massages
  3. Facials
  4. Going for a walk
  5. Reading something that makes you feel understood. For me, that’s Tiffany Dufu’s Drop the Ball.
  6. Indulging in something yummy (my favorites right now are mochi ice-cream and poke bowls)
  7. Cleaning (this is a psychological tactic called sublimation, and it’s a great way to get some stress out AND satisfy the nesting urge. Particularly if it involves beating rugs).
  8. Mani/pedis
  9. Swimming, or, for the lazy, float tank therapy
  10. Meditation
  11. Blogging/writing in a journal
  12. Sex (if you feel up to it and don’t want to kill your partner. And if you do, go solo 😉 )
  13. Napping
  14. Quiet time (particularly if you have a small child already)
  15. Get something crossed off your to-do list
  16. Try a class or something you won’t have time to do after baby gets here
  17. Watch something on TV
  18. Take a walk on the beach

What works for you when you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed?

Why We Chose a Midwife Over the Hospital

~ Allaya P. Cooks-Campbell ~ 2 Comments
Photo by Janko Ferlič on Unsplash.

With just eight weeks left to go, I find myself thinking a lot about the last stage of pregnancy–birth. It’s the last hurdle to jump before we get to meet our new little one, and while I’m over-the-moon-excited, I’m also beginning to get really nervous all over again. Fortunately, we have the most compassionate and loving prenatal care that we could possibly wish for in our midwives, and with their support I’m eagerly anticipating our upcoming home birth. Continue reading →

Why I Started Crying in the Fitting Room

~ Allaya P. Cooks-Campbell ~ 3 Comments

It’s very, very early in the morning. My husband and I are sitting in our living room, quietly scrolling through our phones. Despite our best efforts to stay positive, cheerful and productive, we have had extraordinarily trying days. We are emotionally and physically wiped.

Part of the stress, I realize, comes from having to pretend that everything is A-okay all freaking day. It’s absolutely not. We’re dealing with work and school and family and finances and self-doubt and clutter and all kinds of other stuff too. I realized today what I needed to do was just sit with the negative feelings, because I was wasting a lot of emotional energy trying to avoid what most people I knew would inevitably say. Continue reading →

Becoming an Adult With the Second Pregnancy

~ Allaya P. Cooks-Campbell ~ 3 Comments

Becoming an Adult With the Second Pregnancy | babydroppings

I don’t know if it’s that I’m weeks away from my thirtieth birthday, or that I’m heavily pregnant with my second child, but I feel my adulthood keenly. When I was 25 years old and expecting my daughter, I felt like I was stepping into this new and exciting phase of my life. This time around, I feel settled, tired, and a bit sore. Or, to quote Bilbo Baggins: “thin, sort of stretched—like butter scraped over too much bread.” Continue reading →

A Shout Out to Step-Daughters

~ Allaya P. Cooks-Campbell ~ Leave a comment

A Shout-Out to Step-Daughters | babydroppings

My Mother’s Day started off in the most achingly beautiful way with a text message from my oldest step-daughter, Kayla. She sent me “Happy mother’s day. I love and appreciate you for everything I hope your sunday is awesome!!”

As I read the message over and over, I was transported back to what it felt like to hold her as she dozed off, still only three or four years old. I actually don’t remember how old my girls were when we first met. I just remember being so impressed with, and terrified of, these little tiny people. Continue reading →

My Daughter Made an Asshole Out of Me

~ Allaya P. Cooks-Campbell ~ Leave a comment
My Daughter Made an Asshole Out of Me | babydroppings
Photo courtesy of Damany Campbell Photography.

I am a naturally affectionate person, and I love my kids like you wouldn’t believe. I was the baby of my family—the youngest out of all my grandmother’s grandchildren—so I never grew up around really little kids (and definitely wasn’t in charge of caring for any of them). So when I had my daughter I was over the moon with affection and oxytocin. I wanted to snuggle her non-stop and smell her little baby head. I knew I would be firm, but gentle. I would listen to her. I would be compassionate and engaged.

As the saying goes…everyone’s a great parent until they have kids.

Continue reading →

For the Love of All That Is Good, Keep Your Sick Kid at Home

~ Allaya P. Cooks-Campbell ~ Leave a comment

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Mommy. Mommy. My head hurts. My knee hurts. My elbow. Mommy. I’m so sorry, Mommy. I don’t feel good. Mommy, it hurrrtttts! No, Mommy, I don’t want it! No, ohhh, my diaper…Mommy.

This has been our soundtrack. For weeks. Not days, weeks. Our little Phoenix came down with the flu a week after the New Year. Fine, we said. She’ll get sick. That’s what happens in school. You know little kids and their germs, right? I even blamed myself, because I had been unsure about whether to get her the flu shot due to all the controversy and some rather vehement opinions from the grandparents.

After two weeks at home, she was excited to go back to school, see her teachers and friends, and get back into her routine. For six days. By the end of the sixth day, she was running a temperature, and the next morning, we were back at the pediatrician. This time, the likely diagnosis is strep. Continue reading →

Diana

~ Allaya P. Cooks-Campbell ~ Leave a comment

Image courtesy of Sideshow Collectibles.

I’m a mom now, so I could start this letter by saying how I have three little girls and how it’s so important for girls to see powerful female characters and all that. But even though that’s important, that’s not what I want to say. This letter is from me.

Growing up I knew about Wonder Woman. I just didn’t really care about Wonder Woman. She was beautiful and awesome, but constantly overshadowed by characters like Batman and Superman. She didn’t really seem to have her own thing going on–if I ever saw her, it was as a member of the Justice League, a pretty chauffeur in an invisible jet. She never saved the day. She wasn’t a crunch player. She wasn’t an MVP. She was a token female and I figured she had to be dating someone or they wouldn’t have let her in. The original live action Wonder Woman from the 1974 film, Lynda Carter, was pretty awesome, but she still didn’t inspire me. She was so dainty. Lynda Carter was unbelievably refined and beautiful, and I had skinned knees and oversized Pokémon t-shirts. Unfortunately, she just seemed like another standard of femaleness that I wouldn’t hit. Continue reading →