Happy New Year!
Ever since I started blogging, the New Year’s post has been something of a ritual for me. As a recovering perfectionist and born type-A personality, I always love any holiday that’s built around a combination of fresh starts and goal-setting. This year, though, I took a much different approach to my New Year’s Resolutions.
I used to create long, long lists of all the things I would do, be, have, and achieve in the upcoming twelve months. Even though I had all kinds of plans and systems in place, I would crash and burn after a little while. Why? It’s not because I — or people in general — are terrible about sticking to resolutions. I believe it’s because we’re terrible at noticing why we don’t.
At the root of all my determinations was the belief that I wasn’t good enough as I was. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to prove that I was competent, organized, and on track for success. Fact is, I’m all of those things — and I still don’t look like it most of the time.
How 2020 Went Down For Me
Despite how challenging 2020 was, I had a lot of wins. It was my first year as a truly full-time entrepreneur. When the pandemic hit, I was forced to pivot my business — and then later, I pivoted again. I received funding, grants, and amazing opportunities for my business. I was blessed to work with seriously some of the best coaches I’ve ever met. Through all of that, my kids celebrated their first, fifth, sixteenth, and seventeenth birthdays, I finished my bachelors degree, and I became clearer on my purpose and the work I love to do.
What this year taught me is that I am my greatest asset. The more I invest, believe in, and take care of myself, the more successful I am. To be brutally honest, I effed up a LOT this year. I lost clients, missed deadlines, paid refunds back with money I didn’t have, and even lost a few points on my credit score. But oh, boy, did I learn — and I survived.
My 2021 Resolutions Are a Little Different
Throughout the year, I experienced sometimes crippling bouts of anxiety and depression. There were weeks where I didn’t want to get out of bed. I cried and cried so much. There were even times I had to mentally prepare myself to make my daughter lunch. Everything seemed like way too much to handle.
This year, I chose words rather than resolutions (although I do have some goals for myself and my business). My words are consistency and mindfulness. As far as I’m concerned, the two go hand in hand. The more I react, the less purposeful I am about where I spend my energy and resources. That road leads me to burnout, panic attacks, and triggers my depression. When I prioritize my self-care, I can sustain my output, respond to conflicts better, and deal with the discomfort of addressing failures and enforcing boundaries.
Freeing myself from the perfectionism allows me to create and show up more. This year, I’ve chosen to embrace that done is often better than perfect. You can’t mark something that’s not done off your list, and in so many ways perfect isn’t required or attainable.
If there’s anything we all collectively took away from 2020, I hope it’s that the way things were doesn’t have to be the way they stay. Sometimes we operate in painful paradigms only because it’s what we know. The discomfort of change is real. But that’s where the growth lives.