My Daughter Made an Asshole Out of Me

I am a naturally affectionate person, and I love my kids like you wouldn’t believe. I was the baby of my family—the youngest out of all my grandmother’s grandchildren—so I never grew up around really little kids (and definitely wasn’t in charge of caring for any of them). So when I had my daughter I was over the moon with affection and oxytocin. I wanted to snuggle her non-stop and smell her little baby head. I knew I would be firm, but gentle. I would listen to her. I would be compassionate and engaged.

As the saying goes…everyone’s a great parent until they have kids.

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Our Special Time (or Why I Just Watch You Sleep and Surf Facebook)


To my sweet baby girl,You are the light of my life. My days have become immeasurably more purposeful and blessed since the day that I had you, even before, since I found out that you were just a little bean growing in my belly. My deepest desire is to be the very best human I can be so that you’ll grow up with the mother you deserve.

But right now, I just want to stare at you and surf Facebook.  Continue reading